What The World Needs Now

Michael Hume - Word Play logo

September, 2022 * Volume II, Number 9

Dear Needy Reader,

Wow, can you believe it’s the end of yet another month? Let alone September, which seems to go on forever?

Well, it is, and here’s your copy of everyone’s favorite news-free newsletter, Word PLAY!

This edition lists all the things you don’t need… and talks about the one thing you can’t live without. Probably.


Joking aside, THANK YOU for reading, and for making Firewords Creative Copy your go-to source for the words that win and the funny that makes money. I am humbled by your support, and seriously grateful for your business.

- Michael

Michael D. Hume, M.S.
Senior Author and Leading Researcher
Firewords Creative Copy

Meanwhile, in this edition of Word PLAY...

What The World Needs Now
(Hint: It's Not Another Boring Legal Update)

Word PLAY… Playful Monthly Commentary
On Persuasive Copy For YOUR Business

Here, according to leading researchers, as far as you know, is a list of things we just don’t need any more of:

  • Campaign ads
  • Campaigns, for that matter
  • Movies on VHS or Betamax tapes
  • Bullying
  • Weight loss programs
  • Hurricanes
  • Weeds
  • Wine coolers
  • Complaining
  • Inflation
  • Fentanyl
  • Corsets
  • Asbestos
  • Asbestos corsets
  • Mean people
  • Nose rings
  • Leaves in our gutters
  • Hair in our drains
  • Problems on our minds, and
  • Fake lists

You’d have to agree that, if you didn’t get any more of any of the things on this list, you would still be able to lead a fulfilling and productive life.

I got a call from a lawyer once (BTW, do we need more lawyers?) who wanted to consider possibly thinking about maybe publishing a very-serious legal update newsletter.

I had to ask him two questions:

1. Does the world really need another very-serious lawyer newsletter?
2. How does $2,000 per month sound?

He had to answer, honestly, “no” to both questions.

That conversation, brief and ugly as it was, launched me on my quest to learn what the world really does need from copywriters such as myself (BTW, do we need copywriters such as myself?). And the answer may surprise you:

The World Needs Funny.

Yes, if you’re sitting around in a funk, drinking a wine cooler you paid way too much for, barely able to breathe in your asbestos corset, watching a movie you’ve seen 1,427,912 times on your Betamax player because they’re not putting any new movies on that type of tape, but at least it’s better than endless campaign ads, and what wouldn’t be, and you’re worried about the hair in your gutter and the leaves in your drain… YOU (yes, you) could probably use a hefty dose of funny.

At least, that’s what my clients have concluded. They publish lightly-humorous marketing copy because people actually read it (at a rate 50% higher than the average very-serious lawyer’s copy), their competitors can’t match it, and they have a writer who can pull it off.

So think about that, the next time you’re tempted to publish a boring legal update which nobody is going to read anyway.

Does the world really need that?

The answer to both questions is probably “no.”

Key Take-Aways From This Edition

  • Nobody is going to read your boring legal update.
  • I charge boring lawyers $2,000 per month. (My rate for real people, and for good lawyers with a sense of humor, is far lower)
  • What the world needs now is love, sweet love. Also, more humor.
  • Fake lists are a mainstay of the fake researcher community.

Now, if that isn’t a non-fake list of Key Take-Aways, I don’t know what is! And here’s the good news: You’ll get even MORE in next month’s crucial edition of Word PLAY.


Discussion Questions

  1. 1
    How does $2,000 per month sound?
  2. 2
    Name three other things the world doesn’t need more of. OPTIONAL: Include a pie chart
  3. 3
    Is now the time to launch your lightly-HUME-orous email newsletter?

Send your answers to michael@michaelhume.net... The most creative, inspirational response will be eligible to win a PRIZE! *

(* Prize is at the sole discretion of Michael Hume, his heirs and assigns, and a focus group of people who are sick of campaign ads. This is a very large focus group. Top prize this month may or may not be a free consultation with a boring lawyer. Man, I sure hope it isn’t that. I’d rather have a Betamax documentary on asbestos. Did you know that if you mix fentanyl with asbestos you can prove you’re about the dumbest person on the planet? Enjoy with your favorite wine cooler. Deadline is a mythical creature with fake powers. Boring, lackluster, or unimaginative entries will be included in campaign ads throughout the tri-county area. This would suck, of course, so send your best stuff. Good luck!)

Last Month’s Grand Prize Winner: Michael D. of Little Rock, Arkansas scored top honors with this random comment: “How about if I create HUME-orous and eye-catching book covers displaying overweight (yet very agile) centerfold-worthy Sumo models???” It could be that no one on Earth knows what this really means, but it’s groovy, so Michael’s a winner. YOU could be this month’s winner! Really, any random dreck you send could be the best thing I get. Obviously.

Not yet subscribed to Word PLAY? (HORRORS!)

I write HUME-orous marketing copy for happy clients who take their professions very seriously… but whose customers like and trust them because they don’t take themselves too seriously. Want more info? Get in touch…

Call me: (303) 478-8702
Email me: michael@michaelhume.net
Investigate me: FirewordsMedia.com
Get on my list: 195 South Rancho Vista Drive, Pueblo West, CO 81007

Hey, would you mind doing me a quick favor? Forward Word PLAY to someone you know who could use a monthly laugh and/or some extremely brilliant insights on marketing copy! If your friend subscribes, both of you get Word PLAY every month... for FREE!

Copyright 2022 by Michael D. Hume, M.S. All rights reserved.
Word PLAY! can, in fact, be replayed without the express written consent of the Denver Broncos
FireWords Creative Copy, 195 South Rancho Vista Drive , Pueblo West, CO 81007, United States

Michael D. Hume, M.S.

Michael Hume is a freelance writer, singer, and songwriter, and author of The 95th Christmas. He's an honor graduate of the Defense Information School, and holds an M.S. from the University of Colorado School of Business. Michael is the author of hundreds of online articles, including the popular series Great Leadership Requires Inspiration, The Conscience of a Restorationist, Appreciate Your Adversaries, and Take Care of Your Business.

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