Here’s What Brand X Is Completely Missing
April, 2021 * Volume I, Number 4
Dear Fighting Reader,
Are you sick of opening your email, only to find the latest edition of Word PLAY isn’t there yet? Well, today’s your lucky day.
Also, are you sick of the haughty way your competitors are always talking about how great they are, when you know you could whip them with one product line tied behind your back? If so, this is really your lucky day, because this edition discusses the fine art of untying things from behind your back.
In this edition of your favorite news-free newsletter, we also slip in a few comments about how to kick your competitors’ butts with Certified Pure Funny Stuff.
Joking aside, THANK YOU for reading… for not opting out just yet… and for making Firewords Creative Copy your go-to source for the words that win and the funny that makes money. I am humbled by your support, and seriously grateful for your business.
Michael D. Hume, M.S.
Senior Author and Water Boy
Firewords Creative Copy
Meanwhile, in this edition of Word PLAY...
Here's What Brand X Is Completely Missing
Word PLAY… Playful Monthly Commentary
On Persuasive Copy For YOUR Business
Every time you sit down to look at your website, and marvel at the sexiness of your logo, you also pull up your main competitor’s site and get all indignant about the outlandish claims they make.
Every time you look at an ad you’ve paid to run, there he is again: Brand X, with an even-bigger ad right next to yours.
Every time you post your latest/greatest special on social media, well, WHAT DO YOU KNOW: There’s that smug, soulless competitor, posting HIS ridiculous offer.
What, is this Brand X made of money? Probably! After gouging customers with their dirty underhanded tactics and overpriced services, why, Brand X can probably outspend your marketing budget several times over.
And they never seem to miss a trick! It’s like, they just sit back and watch what you do, and then do the same things, but bigger and for more money. Friggin’ copycats.
Yes, business is like a cage fight, except that your business steps into the cage with all the muscles and hard work, and your competitor brings, like, 42 pasty-looking waifs with sharp weapons and ill-favored looks on their faces.
One thing’s for sure: Brand X is living rent-free in your head. Ghastly!
So how do you beat Brand X, when they apparently have an endless supply of ad dollars and you have to actually earn everything you invest in marketing?
Well, you could…
… Do what they do, only better, in case anyone can tell the difference.
… Give up, and stop marketing altogether.
… Close your business, and ask Brand X for a job. (Now, THAT sure sounds like Heaven on Earth.)
… OR… get your message out using a secret weapon they simply cannot copy: a lightly-humorous, fun-to-read monthly email newsletter which tells the world you take your business just as seriously as Brand X does (even more so!), but that you don’t take yourself too seriously.
I’m not saying your newsletter can make prospects and customers hate, loathe, and despise Brand X. That’s not its purpose. But it can make those same customers – the ideal ones for which you’re competing – Know, Like, and Trust YOU.
Before you even meet them!
Here’s why Brand X doesn’t use this secret weapon, and why they could never copy it:
1. It would never occur to them to market their offerings in any creative way.
2. They would think it’s "unprofessional" to send out funny stuff. (This is absolute poppycock, by the way… their boring marketing copy just makes Brand X seem distant, unlikeable, and poorly dressed. Meanwhile, your mildly amusing newsletter makes people see you as expert, confident, intelligent, fun, attractive, and more popular than a wealthy and generous prom queen.)
3. Brand X couldn’t pull it off if they tried! Not everyone can write compelling, persuasive, fun-to-read marketing copy.
Think about this: What’s the one time of the year when you don’t zap through the commercials while you’re watching TV? That’s right: The Super Bowl. And why do you watch those ads, when you absolutely despise commercials most of the time?
Because they’re new, they’re creative, and – here’s the good part – for the most part, they’re funny.
You remember the funny ads you see. The boring stuff? Ha. Name three.
Your lightly-humorous email newsletter keeps you in front of your prospects and customers on a regular basis, in a way they welcome and value. It’s fun! It’s nothing like Brand X’s bland blogs and brochures.
It’s as if you’re now bringing, like, FIFTY buffed-up ninjas into the cage fight with you. Brand X doesn’t stand a chance.
And now, you can be their mental roommate for a while. See how they like it.
Key Take-Aways From This Edition
You’ll get more amazing marketing wisdom from next month’s news-free edition of Word PLAY!
- 1Can you say "Brand X’s bland blogs and brochures" ten times, fast?
- 2What’s the last thing you had tied behind your back? Extra credit if it was a buffed-up ninja.
- 3Are you ready to make your competitors green with envy – and your bottom-line filled with greenbacks – by making money with funny?
Send your answers to email@example.com... The most creative, inspirational response will be eligible to win a PRIZE! *
(* Prize is at the sole discretion of Michael Hume, his heirs and assigns, and a select group of pasty-looking waifs who’ve decided to get with the program and stop working for Brand X. Offers are often void where prohibited, as you know, but there’s no real offer here, so I guess we don’t have to worry about that. Winner will be announced on Brand X’s bland blogs and brochures. Entries tied behind your back will count double. All entries must be received by the deadline, if any. See details on specially-marked boxes of Brand X. Boring, lackluster, or unimaginative entries will be placed in a cage fight with fifty buffed-up ninjas and kicked until they get creative. That always works. Good luck!)
Last Month’s Grand Prize Winner: Von E. won with this amazingly creative entry: "(Name withheld to protect anonymity) say they’re always able to attract new talent into their business, and it’s all due to the help wanted ad you wrote." Flattering, Von… thanks! Call before last month to claim your prize.
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I write HUME-orous marketing copy for happy clients who take their professions very seriously… but whose customers like and trust them because they (the clients) don’t take themselves too seriously. Want more info? Get in touch…
Call me: (303) 478-8702
Email me: firstname.lastname@example.org
Investigate me: FirewordsMedia.com
Quick, untie me: 195 South Rancho Vista Drive, Pueblo West, CO 81007
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Copyright 2021 by Michael D. Hume, M.S. All rights reserved.
Sorry, this is not my table. I'll send your server right over.
FireWords Creative Copy, 195 South Rancho Vista Drive , Pueblo West, CO 81007, United States